Issue #6: Your Guy Best Friend 101

I don't think every girl has a guy best friend though. Why? Cause I don't.

You ask why again. Well, it's just that in high school, out of 25 students in our year and class, only eight were under the male population, and I think this is the stage wherein same sex cliques are formed. And I think having a friend at that stage was awkward, someone might mistake him for your boyfriend. I think I had some close friends who were boys just because sometimes I'm like a boy too, no drama, no whining, just pure happiness and simplicity.

AHHHH. But it isn't so. There is more to being a boy than meets the eye. First, they're not apathetic, just quiet and minds their own business. They know the issue but they don't join the commotion. Well, most boys do. There are some who seem to act otherwise though. But based on experience, these are their usual actions, and my dad's like this. They won't really care if you've got whatever disease you have on, but surely, they'll remember that note - and that's saying something.

Boys usually talk about worldly things such as cars, technology, and others. But you can make them talk of abstract things when both of you have been through deepest moments, and when you have gained his trust because most of the guys I've had interaction with are not those who easily-trust. Most of them talk to me about anime updates, games and the newest game consoles, but the longest ones I've known talk to me about emotions, their problems and other way more personal stuff.

Right now, most of my guy friends don't even send me text messages. The way I see it, most of them have found it insignificant anymore when there is Facebook or other means to connect. Also, way back in high school group messaging was very popular. You could create your own original template with signature, but now it seems a bit out of place, especially for us college students. Actually, most of my guy friends just visit Facebook, not even posting or anything, just lurking around.

Why I consider them my friends because they don't scare me. Bubbly boys and vain men scare me. For me, they're like girls hidden under a thick coat of testosterone. My male friends don't do selfies, hell, they update their display photos once in a year, sometimes never, posts photos but not usually themselves. They post conversations, comments and likes but not every effin' minute. Most importantly, they don't send you PMs that they want you to like something they have posted.

I am not saying I hate these more open men, it's just that they don't suit my feminine persona. It's like we'd clash and form ripples of havoc and mass destruction with our rainbows and unicorns. And I don't want that to happen. 

It's only normal to feel awkward towards certain types of boys, but then, even if you don't have that best guy friend, you need to have some male companions too, just to keep you grounded and sociable. Sometimes, mixing with the same sex have adverse effects on oneself, just like harboring feelings for them, or being paranoid within the vicinity of an opposite sex.

I know this post is crappy because it's half past twelve here and I need my daily dose of sleep. But first, my calcium and iron supplements. Haha!

Issue #5: Your First Ex-Boyfriend

Last May 31, 2013, I have willingly decided to tag along with my high school friends in line with the early celebration of one our classmates' birthday the next day. And the obvious place was the heart of nightlife in our place, which was supposed to be off limits for me, even if I am already 18, I know, LAME. Anyways, so my dad miraculously agreed to let me go and have fun, to be interrupted at midnight.

So here's the catch, my former boyfriend, who is my first one ever in the history of my geeky life, is a close friend of the boys of our class, then and now, well, they're much closer now. I was actually anticipating his presence their, and was actually excited about seeing him. I know, I repeat, pathetic.

The story behind us was way back in 2007, when I entered high school as a naive little town lass who gullibly fell in love with a junior boy's shiny and silky hair (yes, I know, it feels like a shampoo commercial, but it's not) because he was dancing gracefully for their class/year presentation for the acquaintance party of the high school department. Ultimately, the information that I am in love with him (actually his hair) reached his ears and that was the starting point of a budding relationship that would last for mere 2 months. Probably the best 2 months of my life.

I was to blame for the surprising end of our noobish relationship. One morning, I just woke up, with my female hormones raging, and felt the need to break up with him. UGH. Yes, the horror of my mistake, yet a right choice. I am so dumb, I know. Looking back, he was the perfect guy. He has his own opinions but genuinely opened his heart to me. What hurts the most is to know how much he really loved me by the aftermaths of the break-up. It keeps on haunting me, until this very hour.

I may have managed to move on, but not when we startd communicating again in my senior year as friends. We called each other goldfish (and you can see me smiling here). He was my confidante, my best friend. I let him borrow books on topics that we both like, and leave drawings and notes in them for the other to read. I know because I purposely left one at a book in which he also returned a drawing in it. I kept it, and held on to it, that maybe someday.

But that someday probably won't come. Because on the day that we met again after a very long time at my classmate's birthday, my heart was aching, waiting and longing for him, but it was evident from him that he did not return the favor. I was fetched at around 12:30 in the morning, a little intoxicated by the alcohol I was subjected to and fired off confession messages to a girl friend of mine who was still with them. She was a bit tipsy too and let my ex-boyfriend read everything, leading him to message me in the morning that he was sorry, leaving me skeptical, mortified and ashamed of myself.

As a whole, I really think he is my first love. After 6 years, the pain is still there, raw, scarred, painful. But I'll get through it, I know I can. I have to.