Reunion with my Most Trusted Friend

Having a friend is a blessing. What more then a best friend could be? It gladdens my heart that even if I don't have much friends, I have a few that I can truly count on. 

After what seemed like a very long time. She asked me out for lunch. I said yes because frankly, I wanted to. I missed these people so much. The people I spent my high school with.

She listened to my rants about my failed attempt to pass my physiology exams and gave me a few of her own opinions. We talked about her boyfriend and his struggles with employment. We talked about how our batch from high school, when we separated ways for college, seemed like the odd balls of our own respective degrees. Odd ball not in a bad thing, but more of we evolved to become introverts odd ball.

I have come to realize that we were once troubled teens, and still are. But high school made it easier to dampen the situation, we have each other to spend time with and momentarily forget our own miseries.

And I came to realize that it's not only me who tries her hardest to be accepted by herself, but them too. We grew up in an academic environment where we fought for high grades and its social implication. Us getting barely passed grades making us feel inferior thus reverberating in our attitudes.

My friend told me I changed. I was quieter, less annoying. The friend she was not used to. She tried cheering me up by buying me a bar of chocolate. I didn't eat it until I was watching tenners at school hosted by the College of Arts and Sciences where I was not supposed to smuggle in any food or beverage much less eat one.

One thing I've learned today? Keep your friends, they know what you're going through.

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."

- Elbert Hubbard

Letting the Pain Out

I broke down today. I broke down to a mug of Twining's Mint Green Tea and to my mum. I broke down about my demise in my Physiology exams.

Two weeks. I withheld the pain for two weeks. I didn't cry, I had to stop the tears from falling down my face. But today, they just fell. Just like the rush of a waterfall pulled by gravity. 

I am on my emotional peak today. The surge of hormones raging in my blood.

Today, I realized that these experiences can pretty much shake the faith you have on God. For two weeks I lived in a shadowed world, full of unhappiness and bad thoughts. 

I'd like to take a sabbatical for a while though. Just to clear off my mind and find God again. Because I just can't seem to formulate a reason as to why I needed to feel this grave experience. I really don't. I have been good, plain. Just me. I followed every order my parents told me to do. I fervently go to church. I don't skip classes.

I know I may seem uptight, but that's me. That's how I enjoy my life. But it felt good to have poured my emotions out.

Getting a fat 79 on two Physiology exams

What is wrong with me? Seriously. I was really confident when I took the two exams last midterms. And I have no idea how come I have acquired a grade percentage of 79 percent on two separate exams.

I know confidence is not a reason for one to pass exams, but still, I was confident that I know the answers. And I didn't slack of. I studied. Greatly. But in the end, I failed.

It's been a week since I knew and the only things keeping me sane are Cody Simpson's new album 'Surfers Paradise', sketching on my physiology book, some magazines I bought from a thrift store and just by being home. But it still lingers in my mind. This might be the only time I've had a grade in line seven. Most of my grades were in the line of nine, seldom eight. 

There are time when I feel like it's the end of the world, but I'm just too optimistic to rule out committing suicide, sorry not an option. On the other hand, I feel like a bipolar scum reverting to being the super introvert again. I avoid hearty conversations, I forget to smile, sometimes I even forget to eat. 

What makes it worse is the expectations. From the teachers, my parents, friends, and all other nuisance in my life. But most of all, from myself. I didn't grow up to receive a failed grade, I grew up to achieve the highest grade possible!

The only hope I have now is the finals. May the odds be ever in my favor.