It's been bothering me lately, how I have been a blabbermouth and insensitive prat when I entered my third year as a university student.
Has every accomplishment of mine got into my head? I strongly think so, and it's bad, real bad.
I just wish I could be my former self again. The silent, dainty and contented me who never squealed a gossip or made a snide remark about someone or something. The me who was reserved but has deadly poisons up her sleeves. Now, all my poisons seem spoiled, not one has that extraordinary and surprising element that makes it unique. I am an old news, or maybe I wasn't really news back then? Maybe I was hallucinating that I had that special capability in me that others saw?
It's pretty bad that I am a gossip, but what's worse is the people I am gossiping about. I always get paranoid when people treat me differently than they did before leading me think and rack my brain for stuff I might have done to piss them off. Sometimes, thinking like this leads me to my previous squabbles making me feel all guilty and bad without any tangible reasons. Maybe they're just inside my head and I'm just magnifying things with my paranoia.
I do hope that by twelve tomorrow, I shut up and confide only to my closest of friends, which are only two. I hate being me.
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